Monday, July 26, 2004

Fig-giddaboutit!11:46 PM CST (Link)
I have a fig! Ripe and ready to eat! See?

I'm going to eat it tonight. Slowly and with tiny bites. I am not going to share it with anyone or anything, including Scrappy, who loves figs almost as much as I do.

Because, you see, I have a fig. I have only ONE fig. At first, there were six. Then four. One is all that survived on my magnificent, yet fig-barren, tree. But one is all I need.

Thursday, July 8, 2004

Pets Lower Your Blood Pressure?10:38 AM CST (Link)
You know it's going to be a bad day when:

* Your dog gets you up for walkies an hour before your alarm clock is supposed to go off.
* Once you drag your butt out of bed, you notice that your whole body aches, even though you got plenty of sleep (despite the premature awakening).
* One of the cats climbs into the pantry when you go to get your Cheerios and won't come out. He adopts the prone passive protester posture when you try to pull him out. Finally, and with great effort, you manage to drag his limp, heavy ass out so that you can shut the pantry door.
* You sit down for breakfast and discover that somebody had recently barfed a huge hairball onto the table and then covered it up with a magazine you haven't finished reading. You wonder if that is a comment on your choice of reading material.
* You let the dog out (AGAIN) and both cats, in turn, try to escape when you open the back door to let the dog out and then in again. All she wants is a treat, so she spends less than a microsecond outside before barking to get in.
* All the while, what's left of your Cheerios on the table is sogging in the milk and you're apprehensive that the cat that isn't trying to get outside at any given time is going to jump up on the table and drink the milk, thereby triggering another barfing episode.
* One cat succeeds in escaping and runs under the outdoor furniture to delay capture.
* You catch the cat and pick him up to throw him back inside. You notice that you now are wearing a hair shirt.
* While grabbing for the cat, you notice that one of your plants on the patio is wilting wilting wilting because of lack of water, so once you get the cat back inside, you grab the nearest water-holding container, which happens to be your coffee cup, fill it with water, run back outside (shouting loudly at the cats to stay back on pain of torture) and throw it on the plant. You hope the plant likes coffee water.
* You go into the hall bathroom to brush your teeth and pick as much cat hair off your shirt as you can before leaving for work and find that, despite all the walkies, somebody has pooped on the rug.

At least I don't smell like pickles.

[Previous entry: "Pets Lower Your Blood Pressure?"] [Main Index] [Next entry: "Customer Service Unclear on the Concept"]