Tuesday, January 20, 2004

It's back. Maybe.11:37 PM CST (Link)
Two years ago last November, I had surgery to remove a pituitary tumor. As most are, it was benign. That is, it wasn't malignant. However, most people don't realize that benign tumors can and do grow back. In fact, there is a 20% chance that pituitary tumors will grow back, especially particularly large tumors such as mine.

I had an impressive 2 cm monster that pressed on my optic nerves, causing my vision to decline rapidly. That's how I discovered it. I went to two doctors. The first said it was allergies. The second said it was just one of those things that happens as we get older.

Finally, I went to my optometrist to see about getting a new prescription to deal with my declining vision. To my good fortune, he was very concerned about the rapid changes, did extensive tests and sent me to a specialist, who ordered an MRI, confirmed the tumor's presence and sent me on to a neurosurgeon, who removed it with impeccable care. I was really lucky because my eyesight returned to normal immediately. For some, it can take weeks, if ever.

The doctor used the trans-sphenoidal method to get to the tumor. Trans-sphenoidal is a Really Big Word that means stick a large tube up your nose or through a slit in the inside of your upper lip, thread it through the sinuses, and chip out the tumor. In my case, they went through a hole in my hard palate, directly behind my upper lip, because my little nose just wasn't big enough to handle the endoscope. Other than looking like the losing side of a heavyweight prize fight for a couple of weeks, there were no outer signs I had had brain surgery. Truly, I was disappointed that I didn't get to shave my head.

As I said, all this happened in November 2001. I was really worried about the upcoming cedar fever season, but shouldn't have been. It turned out to be a pretty good season for two reasons:

1. I was on enough steroids to disqualify me from any horse race I chose to enter, and
2. My poor nose and sinuses were so mangled that nothing went in and nothing came out--air, snot, cat dander, dust, pollen. Nothing. Those cedar spores didn't have a chance.

I had my two-year follow-up MRI a couple of weeks ago. Apparently there has been some growth in the region. The neurosurgeon wants to wait three months to see if it grows more. If it stays the same relative size, then it's a normal capping condition. If it grows, it's back and needs to be dealt with.

I wasn't prepared for the results. In fact, the news stunned me. In hindsight, I should have been better prepared. I guess I was thinking that I sailed through the first year with no growth whatsoever, so this year there shouldn't be much change. I guess I was wrong.

If you're going to have a tumor, a pituitary tumor is the best kind to have, everyone told me. Excuse me? It's not their nose someone poked a microknife into. It's not their upper lip that got sewed back on a bit crookeder than it started out. It's not their back they had to lie on for 12 hours to make sure brain fluid didn't seep out their nose.

Sure, it's not malignant. It's not cancer. But it can grow back. Where it is and how fast it's growing determines whether to have a second surgery or zap it with radiation.

In my case, the doctor thinks the next step, if it is indeed growing, is to give it a good burn with stereotactic radiation, also known as the Gamma Knife--201 beams of gamma radiation converging on a precise location determined in advance by MRIs and CT scans. Why 201 beams? Why not 200? Or 199? What is it about that 201st beam that makes it the perfect number? And how did they figure it out? None of that matters if it works.

There aren't too many side effects to the Gamma Knife treatment. No hair loss, no vomiting your guts out. Just maybe a headache and a bit of bleeding from the large vise they screw into your skull to immobilize your head. Oh yeah, there is a bit of a chance that the pituitary gland itself can die from the radiation.

So, I wait. That's all I can do, because nobody knows what causes pituitary tumors. I can't stop eating or drinking anything to make it better. I can't stop smoking or start exercising to make it better. I can't lose weight to make it better. I can't do or not do anything to make it better. All I can do is wait. And that's pretty scary.

Maybe I should take up smoking or drinking to calm my nerves.

Tuesday, January 13, 2004

Just an Education08:47 PM CST (Link)
"I don't want to come to college and leave with just an education when I came to play football," said Texas junior running back Cedric Benson on announcing Tuesday that he will return for his senior season with the Longhorns.

Just an education? How many people can't afford to go to college and would give an arm and a leg for "just an education"? With tuitions and fees rising (again and always), many more people are having to put off college temporarily or permanently just to make ends meet.

And some [expletive deleted] jock doesn't want "just an education."

Sunday, January 11, 2004

Wherefore art thou, Willie?12:11 AM CST (Link)
On Christmas Day, Willie Nelson wrote an anti-war protest song. "Whatever Happened to Peace on Earth?" is only the second protest song he's written in his long career. He debuted it at the recent Dennis Kucinich rally in Austin, Texas.

In an article in the Austin American-Statesman on Dec. 31, 2003, Willie said he was going to record the song in Nashville that day and rush-release it as a single. He also said he hoped the song would stir some controversy. In fact, Kucinich's web site encourages people to call radio stations and request the song.

However, the following week, in an interview with KGSR's Kevin Connor, Willie said he was NOT going to record it. Why? Because he is concerned about backlash much like the Dixie Chicks faced last year after disparaging comments about President Bush.

What the fuck? Will the real Willie Nelson please stand up?

I listened to the KGSR interview with my mouth open in disbelief. (Take my word for it, an open mouth in a convertible at 70 mph on Mopac? Not good.) Why is Willie worried about controversy? What does he have to protect? His reputation? His fortune? Come on.

As a down-to-earth celebrity capable of reaching the hearts and minds of millions, Willie could have taken this chance to educate his fans that you can love your country but not approve of its actions. That you can support the men and women of the armed forces even if you think the American public has been grossly misled about why they are putting their lives on the line.

But he didn't. He wimped out.

Who is this new Willie who is worried about public opinion? This red-headed stranger is a stranger to me.

Monday, January 5, 2004

Too Many Choices11:41 PM CST (Link)
The other day, Mel heard me screaming and ran into the bedroom to see what was wrong. I hate to admit it, but I was yelling at our DVD recorder. I risk losing my Geek Card by writing this down, but I couldn't figure out how to work the darn thing and I had 30 seconds to start recording Angels in America.

So I screamed an obscenity and threatened the remote within an inch of its silver plastic life if it did not reveal its secrets to me. Unfortunately, just as I figured out what to do, Mel had arrived and recited what I should be doing as I did it. (Don’t you love when that happens?)

I write high-tech user manuals for a living. I've even read the manual for this device. But that was a year ago and I needed to know what to do NOW. I didn't have time to find the particular page that decrypted the one or two buttons I needed of the many, many buttons on the remote control.

Don't get me wrong. I love technology. I love electronics. I love gadgets. No, really. I *LOVE* gadgets. I sometimes read gadget manuals from cover to cover just for fun. But consumer devices, such as VCRs, recordable DVDs, and cell phones, are just too complicated for the average user. If I can't figure out what to do in less than 30 seconds, imagine an average, non-technical consumer trying to puzzle their way through. Impossible.

Consumer devices just need to work. You shouldn't have to wade through a thick manual to figure out basic functions. Besides, nobody ever uses all the functions on any device.

OK, maybe 2 percent of the alpha geeks out there might know every function of every device in their house. But I would guess that the average consumer uses only the basics of each. Yes, we want all the extras, just in case we need them. But we will never have time to learn how to use every feature before the device either breaks or the next version with even more stuff appears on the market.

Our household is bi-platform. Mel and I have both Windows and Mac OS computers. I use my Windows laptop in my home office, as my main machine. It's where I do my banking, my taxes, web site development, graphics work, and lots of other things. But it stays on my desk, plugged in and hardwired to the network. If I'm wandering around the house or traveling or drinking coffee in a wireless-enabled coffee shop, I use my iBook.

Why? It just works. Close the lid and it goes to sleep. Open it and it wakes up, remembers what you were doing, and even finds the wireless network on its own. I don't have to screw around with IP configurations, run ipconfig.exe to refresh or renew the IP address, or restart the PC to get it to work, as I do if I use my Windows. I can go from hardwired Ethernet to wireless with ease. I can go from my work network to my home network without opening or configuring anything.

One of Mel's aunts visited us over the Thanksgiving holiday. She had a new picture phone and she played with it quite a bit while she was here. Eventually, she figured out how to take and send pictures and how to see pictures if someone sent her some. But she never figured out how to view archived pictures. It wasn't obvious at all. So she was looking forward to reading her manual (again) on the trip home.

So here's what I want: Put as many buttons on the remote or device as you want. But hide most of them under a hidden slide, flap, or panel. On the main unit, show only big, labeled buttons that let you perform basic functions of whatever gadget you are using.

For example, a recorder (DVD or VCR) should have two banks of buttons--the first for immediate recording and the second for timed recording.

The immediate recording bank should have two buttons: Tape Speed and Go/Stop. The timed recording bank should have a Program button with sequential rotation through Channel, Date, Start Time, End Time, and Tape Speed. Every screen should have a back button.

It should also have a persistent memory that remembers your settings, automatically scans for channels, and sets the time and date after a power-off.

Every other function or feature should be hidden somewhere. Otherwise, you get information overload and you have to read the manual for three hours just to figure out how to program it.

In the meantime, it's a good thing Angels in America is 6 hours long. Maybe I'll figure out how to record it by the time it ends.

Saturday, January 3, 2004

Christmas in January01:30 AM CST (Link)
Now that all the holiday hustle and bustle is winding down, the stores are clearing shelves and putting everything on sale. Now is the time we begin our shopping for next Christmas. But not for us.

For the past several years, Mel and I have donated to toy drives such as Toys for Tots or Brown or Blue Santa. Good toys, too, such as Playmobil, LEGO bricks, and Fisher-Price, bought at a fraction of their normal cost.

We have made a tradition of heading to Target early on Chrismas Eve to catch Target's first round of markdowns and start picking up toys for next year's toy drive.

Target begins their clearance sales at 25% off. We buy a couple of the more unique items at that time. A week or two later, Target marks things down to 50% off and we pick up a couple more things.

By mid-January, most clearance items are down to 75% off. We go through what is left to see if there are any real bargains to be had. At this point, the selection is pretty picked over, but we can usually find a couple of items.

By the end of January, we usually have picked up a number of good-quality toys for very little money. And for the effort of storing the toys for a year, a few less-fortunate kids get some great toys.

Here are a few tips for shopping the toy clearance sales:

* Ask store personnel about when the store usually starts or changes its markdowns. Be there early on that day for best selection.

* Don't buy toys that come with or use batteries. Even unused batteries can go dead and you don't want to disappoint a child with a toy that doesn't work on Christmas Day.

* Classic toys and games are best. Trends and fads come and go so quickly these days, that it is best to stick with the basics--building blocks such as LEGO, cars and trucks, Barbie, Play-Doh, crayons or art supplies, games such as Scrabble, jigsaw puzzles, and non-trendy toys that provide basic imaginative play, such as Playmobil.

* Don't buy toys packaged with candy or other food items. You don't want to store it and attract bugs and the candy won't be any good by next year anyway.

* Keep an eye open all year. Target and other retailers frequently have summer clearance sales to make room for the Christmas build-up.

* Have fun! I love shopping for toys, even if they aren't for me.

Thursday, January 1, 2004

2003 Top Ten (Plus One)03:08 AM CST (Link)
2003 was a red-letter year for me. Despite all the bad things happening in the outside world, life in our household was pretty darn good, all things considered. Here are some highlights:

11. The youngest nephew, now 2 1/2, continues to be a major joy in our lives. He adores Mel and she gets a big kick out of him. I pretend to be jealous, but secretly, I couldn't be happier about their private mutual admiration society, for many reasons.

10. The oldest niece actually graduated from high school and started college. A big deal, here. We weren't sure if it would happen.

9. Two of my favorite people met, fell in love, and moved in together. I couldn't be more delighted.

8. For the first time ever, Mel and I managed to keep last year's resolution to exercise on a regular basis for an entire year.

7. We finally were able to buy the car I've been lusting after for more than a decade.

6. I have a job that I enjoy and I work with a great group of people.

5. So far, no pituitary tumor recurrence.

4. We live in Austin.

3. I haven't had to change the litter box for two years. Mel and I have an agreement. She cleans the litter box. I do the grocery shopping. We each think we get the better end of the deal.

2. We have plenty of coffee in the pantry. When Mel and I first got together, she made me swear two promises. First, I promised I would never let her run out of coffee. I guess there was a bumper crop this year, because coffee prices were at the lowest I've seen in years and years. (Believe me, I keep track.) So I stocked up. A lot.

1. The second promise was that I would never break Mel's heart. So far, so good. My partner for nearly 13 years, she still loves me. And I love her. A lot.

I hope 2004 brings all of us and all of you more of the good stuff and less of the bad stuff.

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