Women in Comfortable Shoes

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06/05/2003: "Possum Pussy"

Tonight, after getting ready for bed, I let the dog out for her final romp in the back yard. When I opened the door to let her back in, one of our cats slipped out. Without thinking, I ran after him. Suddenly, I realized I was outside in my sleeping attire. I'll spare you a description.

I knew Bub was going to play hard to get. Proving me right, he hopped away quickly to the dark nether regions of the yard. I yelled for Mel to come get "her" cat. Already in bed and watching television, she laughed but didn't budge.

Knowing the cat wasn't going to come in without a fight, I grabbed the squirt bottle of water we use for cat discipline and ran out again. In the meantime, Bub saw some branches rattling in a tree at the edge of the yard and went to investigate. I ran after to investigate what he was investigating.

A possum! Slowly crawling up the tree, trying to be inconspicuous.

Imagine the scene that ensued--a middle-aged fat woman in her skivvies chasing a fat hairy cat around the perimeter of the yard with a squirt bottle, trying with little success to herd him away from a fat treed possum and into the house.

By the time it all ended, we had one scared possum playing possum in the tree, one mad woman and one mad wet pussy dripping all over the living room floor, one safe and dry woman laughing hysterically from the bedroom, and one puzzled dog wondering what all the fuss is about.

That's my life. A sitcom waiting to happen.